so maybe we do have soulmates

in high school i’d have said i’m waiting for “the one”, but if you’d have tried to convince me anytime in the last 5 years that we have ONE TRUE SOULMATE i’d have laughed in your face. (yes, the one that sounds a machine gun), but tonight (and not fully of my own accord) i decided that perhaps i was simply thinking of it from too conventional a perspective.

there have been at least four times in my life that i tell myself, “we’re PERFECT for one another!” followed by either, “i’m so glad we can both agree it’s true” or “damn it, why can’t he see it??” i’ve both held on too long and given up too quickly.

but before i spill my romantic history, i’ll move on to what i read this evening about soulmates. vaguely: “when it’s difficult to let go of someone, our problem is that we don’t understand what that word means. people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. but a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. a true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. but to live with a soul mate forever? too painful. soul mates, they come in to your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. and thank god for it. our probelm i, we just don’t let them go. their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you HAVE to transform your life.”

so. i have a soul mate. completely unromantically, i have a soul mate. my gratitude towards him has no measure. and even though i’ve long-since let him go, it was begrudgingly. now i understand and i can wish him peace and joy free of any tiny molecule of regret.

perfect timing, too.

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lenticular?

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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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