modern day miracle

fajitas, salsa, and a bit of tequilla somehow just brought about a modern day miracle.

my oldest sister and i just got together for dinner. after 20 minutes of waiting….and waiting….aaaaaand waiting for her to arrive (whilst finishing half a bowl of cheese dip ALONE) i finally went to the bar to ask to use a phone. and who did i encounter? ashley. in the bar. the entire time. go figure.

finally after joining forces we had a couple margaritas and shared fajitas and talked and talked….and talked. she is at such a crossroads – that point at which things must change or she’ll have to settle into a life of blindness that’s not suiting to her. she’s too much of a go-getter for that. the girl is too magnetic for anything less than exuberance. she draws people to her and changes them – for better or worse. i remember absolutely IDOLIZING her in jr. high (she was in high school). she could do no wrong. people either loved her or hated her – you can’t be in between with ashley…her presence is too big for that. and i consider that a compliment.

after an hour and a half kay joined us. we greeted her with her very own margarita and encouraged her to catch up. i was a little nervous of the potential akwardness that the night could hold but was astounded when, after DOWNING her first margarita over a bit of small-talk, kay looked at me and asked “aren’t you ever curious of where things are going between your dad and i?”

flabergasted – but not showing it (at least i hope). i answered a clear, “yes! of course i am! this in-between is pretty painful for ALL of us, i think.” and from there we launched into a full-out all-things-bared conversation on the intimacies of our entire family.

i was brought to tears more than a handful of times. and more than once i was convicted of my loss of hope for our family. several years ago Love revived a vengance in me….one that would “never” lose hope in the unity of our family. i’m not sure where that’s escaped to, but i had seen no trace of it for a year and a half….until tonight.

i know that the demands on each side are somtimes a bit ridiculous. i know that every single member of this family is INCREDIBLY flawed. each person could be judged and sent to the gallows.

yes. each. and. every. one.

but that’s not the point. the point is that we’ve all been washed in grace that not only forgives but forgets. the point is that we have all come into this with baggage….and we all have needs – emotional, financial, communal. we are human. and while we can all be a bit ridiculous (of course, none of us ever know it at the time) our emotions and our pains and our needs are absolutely real. as real as the hardships of a water-hating two year old who is told that he’s going to need to take a bath now. ridiculous? – yes. real? a more-than-hearty….YES!

the point is that each one of us absoulutely, beyond-a-doubt wants our family back together after this four-year “break” of sorts. and the important thing to remember is that there IS hope. the point is that anything and everything is absolutely possible when we are exhibiting god’s grace and selfless love. here i am – honored as the bridge between our shattered pieces of family…and shattered myself. but i’ve been brought here for a reason during these weeks – i have no doubt. and i will do absolutely whatever it takes to catalyze healing.

thank you for revived hope. forgive me for my disbelief. this union is not on earth alone, but beyond flesh and blood. my prayer is that each of us is pushed to the end of our personal rope to a place where the only option is to choose selfishness or love. i pray that we each set our past inflictions aside and choose to tend to the wounds we’ve inflicted on others. i pray that the decision is conscious and raw…that honesty surpasses loyalty…that love surpasses perfection. resurrect love – real and bleeding – from this dead and destitute group of people. life is about decisions, i always say. well….push us to that breaking point. and i pray when the time comes, that we break on the side of love and not loss.

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lenticular?

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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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