i haven’t wanted to talk nor write about what’s been happening lately – namely because every time someone asks me, my shoulders bunch, my arms cross, and i can’t look the person in the eye. i’ve been incredibly disquieted by uncertain movement lately and anyone who’s spent time around me can surely attest to my internal mood.

see, i decided to move to redondo beach, california, but then got cold feet and decided instead to move to breckenridge, colorado, where i know not a soul. but because of ticketing and the desire to see friends here in cali, i decided to still spend a couple weeks in l.a. seeing familiar faces and letting a decision (hopefully) make itself.

i flew in two days early…because i could.  a dear friend picked me up from the airport and we litterally bee-lined it for the beach at sunset. with the sun safely tucked beneath the waves, we spent the evening at a friend’s – guests to an incredible dinner and tasters to about 6 different bottles of wine.

but here is where it all breaks down. beginning the next morning somehow i let anxiety sink in. you certainly wouldn’t have seen it on the surface unless you asked me something like, “how long are you here for?” or “so why are you moving to l.a.?”  these are triggers – those nasty little electrical impulses just under my skin.  yesterday, driving south to meet the friend i would be living with here, i actually sucked back tears of uncertainty. what the hell am i doing here?

but then.

then we passed LAX and crossed westward out into marina del ray and down the esplanade through manhattan beach, hermosa…and finally redondo.  the sun came out at precisely the right moment, and after two weeks of rain here i’m telling you it felt magical.

we got out of the car at the apartment…which is a literal 30 steps to the boardwalk (well…plus some stairs and a ramp). and somehow the sound of the waves and the flat expanses of ocean… well… can i just say i’m ecstatic to announce:

i now live in redondo beach, california.

(decisions shouldn’t need congratulations, but i this one i’m congratulating myself on. without shame.)


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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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