walking home from work tonight i realized…i’m happy here.  not giddy, but just happy.  which is probably more sincere anyway.  and i’m not just happy because i have joy – because that’s true wherever one happens to be if it’s true anywhere.  but i’m actually happy here in this little village by the ocean where i can walk home from work with the waves chasing my feet.

as soon as my mind spoke the sentence, “i’m happy here,” it immediately asked itself (or asked myself) ,”why?”  hmm.  well…because everyone here is so friendly! but then one of the 8 other voices in my head countered by listing all the people who don’t smile or say hello on the street and i had to surrender that particular shred of glossy logic.

but then whispered a much more peaceful voice: i don’t need blanket statements anymore.  i don’t need to be able to say everyone this or that…or everything is soooo great.  nothing’s only good or only bad – life’s simply not that black and white.

i’m not happy here because it’s perfect.  it’s because i love the sun and the ocean.  and i love that there are great days and rotten ones.  i adore that i run into the same people often, and that a lot of folks smile and chat with you on the street or on the beach.  but i also know that many won’t say a word even when i speak to them first.  and that’s ok.

i don’t need eutopia – i just need a place where i’m not thinking of “what next.”  i think that place is in my head and not on a globe.  but i feel planted here in this place and in this moment.  even with the possibility (and hope beyond hopes) that could get an incredible internship this summer, i’m not living in the “next” for the first time in a long time, and i refuse to give future locations any of my energy right now.

tonight i’m here.  tomorrow, providing i wake up in the morning, i’ll be here as well.  and that…that makes me happy.


2 Responses to “happy”

  1. 1 Debra Hampton March 6, 2009 at 6:04 am

    Calais, What you have said about being happy is in line with what I know you already know. “The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” (psalms 19) Not worrying about tomorrow and living in the presence of today is what He expects from us although, I definitely fall short there. Paul then says that he finds himself content in what ever state he is in. You are an inspiration and a reminder to live in todays joy…sufficient unto today are today’s trials. I love you and am so proud of you.

  2. 2 alli March 6, 2009 at 7:26 am

    This post makes me happy too. 🙂

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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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