i’m not sure anything about us ever ‘changes’ for good.

the hope is that we’re continually growing and improving, but i think we might be mistaken in looking at improvements as battles won.  battles are something with a succinct start and finish…something that moves into the past eventually.  and sure, there are probably things that become easier…probably even some that become mute points, but that doesn’t mean we’ll be perfect at them.  ever.

i “changed” in a big way when i was somewhere in my wee years.  i went from crawling to walking.  it was a big step, i’m sure, and it caused massive repercussions in my life and the lives of those around me (aka my mom, dad, and older sister).  and yes, for the most part, i’ve been in remission from crawling for about 24 years.  i don’t often have to consider putting one foot in front of the other.  it just happens.  but even with such an elementary thing there are times that the ground is uneven and i have to be conscious of the placement of my legs.  and there are other times that for seemingly no reason whatsoever i just trip.  now, i could lay down and pound my fists and beat myself up over ‘forgetting how to walk’, but the truth is i know it was a simple mistake – i pick myself up, feel a little silly, and then keep on walking (probably paying a bit better attention this time).

these are the thoughts that ramble through my mind when i hear people say things like, “i’ve changed.”  change is a continual decision – not something that you’ve conquered and can move on from – however simple the issue might be.  i’m not even sure why the english language lets us put an “-ed” on the end.  i wonder if there are languages that have no past-tense for change.  the way i see it, change exists only in the present.  in this moment i can choose the way i act, but it’s a special moment because it’s the only time i can actually do that.  and i can choose to act in the same way or a different one – regardless of how i’ve acted the past week, year, or lifetime.  the next moments’ options can, quite frankly, just wait their turn.


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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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