gathering matches

It’s been a strange few months.

Not “bad” (I can’t even give it that much credit) Just increasingly numb. I’ve saved draft posts numerous times with titles like “something’s gotta give” and “change”…but I haven’t finished them. I’ve gotten too bored and couldn’t find the passion to even finish a couple paragraphs. I’ve talked myself blue in the face to close friends…about parts of my life I thought were holding me back.

A friend recently shared a quote: “success is not a result of spontaneous combustion. you must set yourself on fire.” – Arnold H Glasow. I don’t like the word “success”, but I feel like it might be a little misleading to use the same quote and replace it with the word I’d really like to use: Inspiration.

“Inspiration is not a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.” (Feel free to add your own goal.)

And I realized (ding ding ding!!) that it’s not the things in my life that are holding me back. It’s me. Go figure.

So I decided to set myself on fire. So far, these are the baby (and big) steps I’ve taken towards my new trajectory:

  1. MORE ART: I realized for the umpeenth time that I have to have creative processes in my life in order to feel like my existence is worth something. It’s incredible to me that I’m capable of neglecting that side of me as long as I am. I need to make that a priority. For my own sanity. So…
    • I cleared my Wednesday nights so I can attend a figure drawing session for 2 hours every Wednesday. That’s the bare minimum.
    • I applied to join a ceramics co-op next door to the studio where the figure drawing sessions are held. (both of which are a 5 minute bikeride from my new house.
    • I applied to become a sand-sculptor. … Ok, hear me out. I met a friend of a friend who does it and spent an hour telling me about how the company works. They travel all over the country to sand-sculpting competitions and pay a team of sculptors and apprentences to make 12 foot tall sand sculptures. A month in Kuwait… A month in Quatar… With all expenses paid + being paid to make art? Yes, please. I’m waiting to hear back.
  1. VALUE MY TIME: This covers a whole host of new decisions I’m making, but it also involves changing where I spend the bulk of my time: My job. 
    • I quit my job. Well, truthfully, it’s not the kind of job you just quit, so I told them that it’s time for me to start moving towards a transition. I’ll start helping them look for a replacement and setting up a “training system” so that they have an idea of what all my position entails (since I’ve more or less created my position to begin with).
    • I began a list of what I want my new job to do (feel free to let me know if you can think of any job titles you feel satisfy the above, because right now, this is as far as I’ve gotten!)
      • Enables/Encourages Travel: Whether it’s by requiring me to travel for work (part time travel – not constant travel) or by allowing flexibility and/or time to do so… I’m not sure what it will look like, but I have to be able to travel. 
      • Enables/Encourages Art: Whether it’s simply allowing time and inspiration for art or whether the position involves art…it doesn’t matter. I just need art in my life in a much bigger way. 
      • Of course it must satisfy my financial needs, but that’s very secondary. I can alter my life in order to change those needs pretty significantly.

So there. Change is in the works, and now it’s in type (which makes it feel far more real). Here’s hoping that I’ll have far more interesting things to write/draw/sculpt/paint/create about in the very near future.

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Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.
-Kahlil Gibran

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